Be Still, My Villainous Heart

After several months of frantic anticipation, my other self* finally saw the latest Marvel blockbuster, “Avengers [2]: Age of Ultron”.

*…Whose brain is twitching because she can’t remember whether I prefer to call her “Other Self” capitalized or “other self” sans capitalization, and I’m refusing to let her check through my meager backlog of posts and satisfy her obsessive-compulsive desire to exact some consistency around here, because I’m evil.

She went out decked in red, white, and blue, paying casual homage to the first / her favorite Avenger. Big surprise. Lover of truth, justice, Mom, and apple pie* that she is, of course she gives her superhero top spot to Captain America.

*She could actually take or leave the pie.

I, meanwhile, came away from the film with a favorite of my own. The eponymous Ultron.


Hot yum.

Don’t think* he gets a free pass with me just because he’s the movie’s villain.

*Of course I get to tell you what to think. [Up-and-coming] evil overlord, remember? It’s a perk.

Were he weak sauce, I’d sneer at him and let my evil pigeon heed nature’s call on his face. Let that teach him to fall short of my perfectly reasonable standards.

But happily for all (the possible exception being my evil pigeon), Ultron rocked fabulously.

It’s not only that he’s ruthless. I mean, if you’re going to be a villain worth anything, that’s just basic. Mercy is for fools.

No, though — above and beyond the ruthlessness was the passion. This man– er, robot… entire army of robots sharing a single consciousness… The point is, Ultron gave a hoot. He believed in something. He had a dream. A dream, as it happens, that I wholeheartedly share. A dream of taking this miserable planet full of wretched, self-destructive morons and elevating it to a world to be proud of. And if a few [billion] people need to be shown the door to make that happen… well, we do what we must for the greater good/evil/necessary reforms, never mind the morality.

He also had a sexy voice.

And sang Disney.

I may be in love.