Interesting fact about my evil pigeon: No matter how badly the world treats me, he/she/your-guess-is-as-good-as-mine never lifts a feather to try to make it up to me.

In stark contrast, there is my Other Self.

She seems to think it is somehow her responsibility to balance everything wrong with the world. Since everyone else is so often late, she must always be early. No one else brought their copy of the handout? That’s okay, she’s got three extra, plus pens for all. And if, hypothetically, she fears her sibling(s) is/are being an unnecessary trial to her poor parents, well then, she’ll just have to be the perfect child — be no bother, cost no time or money, be a source of smiles, laughter, and parental pride in a dreary, head-and-heartachey disappointment of a life.

Except she can’t consistently do that.

Cue the feelings of guilt and inadequacy and that she’s too much greater a burden than she, in light of the burden of others, has any right to be.

I sigh for you, ridiculous Other Self. I sigh for you loud and long. For one with passable intelligence, you are the greatest of fools.

It does not fall to you to compensate for all of humanity’s failings. It falls to them, and as they fail, so shall they someday fall to me.

The answer is not to provide a balance. It is to topple the broken scales.


Take Note: A Lesson in Evil

While my sister makes no claim of super-villainy, it’s been made potently clear time and again that she’s got the knack for it — both the cunning mind, and an instinct for evil that you just can’t teach. Lest I begin to underestimate the depths of her depravity and her intimate knowledge of my weaknesses, she hand-delivered this note to me yesterday as a harsh reminder:

Evil Note

Let’s take a moment to admire the artistry, shall we?

“Dear Danielle (Comma. Where is the comma? The villainy begins early.) I know your use (*twitch* A possessive “your” where the contraction “you’re” should be. And it’s “used”, darn it, “useD”!) to looking at pourly wrote sentences (“Pourly wrote”?! Ooooh, she is diabolical!) (And where is the comma?!) but I know they still bothers you (*sob*) so I wrote you this note because I think its (Apostrophe) funny too (NO) be mean to you and its (APOSTROPHE) funny (What, no end punctuation? But at this point, why should we expect any better?)

Love (True love uses commas!!!) Dianne”

Villainously played, sister. Villainously played.